


Test Of Love

by orphan_account



Category: Romitri - Fandom, Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:23:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 18,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9713186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: ~A continuation of the Vampire Academy/ Bloodlines sequel in which Rose faces her biggest obstacle...and runs away because of it. Leaving now only Dimitri but her friends behind too. So, when she comes back, chaos ensues~One letter. That's all it takes for Rose's life to crumble.Her love. Her life. Her sanity.All taken after one short event. The most significant event of her life.Now, she has nothing- no one. What can she do...apart from run away.





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

  **Part 1- Runaway**

_'She says you don't want to be like me. Don't wanna see all the things I've seen.'_

* * *

 

Dimitri,

The final chance. That's what I gave myself. I loved you, you loved back. I gave you my soul...but it wasn't enough.

Give me a chance when reading this, and the ones to come. Through the selfishness and terror, I have brought. Don't pity me because I wrote this. I am not the only one to feel the pain. I know you love me but this is my turn to leave. I can, and will, change myself so you will hate me- us- if that's what it takes. Goodbye.

Guar- Miss Rose Beli- Hathaway...

Forgive me.

-

Tales have been told about me; tales of pregnancies and breakups. This is the true story. I know this is short but what else can I give you. What comes ahead; could be heartbreaking, it could make you laugh, it could make you scream in anger. All of this is what I do. I cause pain, even the joy I give ends in pain.


	2. Chapter 2

I left the letter at Dimitri's door. He'd done nothing wrong, I had. I might as well die- no, I have to live. They would forget me soon but I knew they would blame themselves for my death so all I had to do was disappear.

My father was the perfect candidate to help me. We weren't too unlike, both causes of pain. It has been four years since I graduated, I wished for that time to return: a time of happiness and bliss. Now there were only lies. My lies.

I left without saying goodbye, I had left one more note for Lissa: it was all lies. I will not return, I will not love, I will not care. My new motto, perfect. Glares were shot in my direction as I stormed from Court. My father had bought me a car for my nineteenth birthday, I had stolen the keys off Dimitri again: he always insisted on driving.

I was on my way to the car when I saw...him. I couldn't even stand his name anymore, it was too much. He stood in front of my and I could see the tears rolling down his cheeks, those beautiful cheeks. I still admired his beauty even if it would be the last time I saw it. 'Rose.' He murmured, I could see the pools of blood run from his hands; he must have punched something- hard. I knew that no matter where I went, I would miss him.

'Goodbye- I....' I couldn't bring myself to say I love you; I slammed the door shut and waited for him to leave. He didn't. Instead, he clambered into the car.

'You can't leave me. I can't live without you, Roza.' He whispered.

'Desperate much.' I hated the words that spilt from my mouth but I couldn't care, I was leaving. All I could think of though was that I felt the same. My heart split in two as he said his final words.

'I love you.'

'Love fades, mine has.' I replied, tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn't care if he believed me or not all I needed was him to leave. All would be explained soon. They were my last words to him.

'Roza-' He was cut off when I revved the engine as if to warn him I was leaving, he stayed put. I sat and waited, I was in no rush. It only took seconds for him to run from the car, the look on his face killed me. Dimitri, the Russian God, was crying...because of me. More tears threatened to flood my cold cheeks but I swiftly wiped them away and drove towards the exit.

I reached the post to let people move in and out of court and went through the long procedure of emergency check out, I was tempted to just drive my car through the gate but waited patiently, unlike me, for a guardian, of who I had no idea of their name, to finally say I could leave.

I was wary not to take too long. I knew as soon as Lissa heard news of my departure she was sure to try and close my off from leaving any of the hundreds of exits.

I felt the long sigh of relief come as soon as the bar lifted and let me into the world. I had already planned to meet my father in Turkey and he had provided the money for transport. I wasn't excited to get a plane but anything to get away from Court was enough for me.

The plane journey took longer than anticipated but it was the middle of the human day when I arrived. I knew I would have to get used to the day schedule here but it wasn't impossible since the jet lag almost put me in the right time zone.

Abe met me at the door of his Turkish mansion, I was surprised that it was him and not one of his, as rumours have said, hundreds of servants. 'Dad.' I said simply and instead of a reply he came out into the cold winter's air and hugged me. 'I missed you, Rosemarie.' I glared at him and he laughed. He obviously knew I hated the name Rosemarie but it was better than some of the names he had come up with.

'I missed you too.'

'Come inside it's freezing.' He shouted over the large gust of wind that came and chilled me to the bone. I entered the house to see it deserted.

'Where are the hundreds of servants I've heard so much about?' I questioned.

'You should know by now Rose that rumours are very rarely true.' He replied with a smirk on his face.

'What's the smirk for?'

'I know why you're here. I can't lie and say I'm not slightly glad. I know you two were perfect but if I am correct in knowing your reasoning, you did the right thing.' I panicked. How did he know?

'I-I-' I paused for a while before mustering the courage to say the simple word 'how?'

'Rumours, though as I said rumours are rarely true. I only say if I'm right then you did the right thing or at least in my opinion.' I hated it when Abe was cryptic but I skipped his speeches and got straight to the point. I blurted the next question without thinking.

'I want to change my name.' Abe raised an eyebrow and looked at me as if to ask what I meant. 'I want to change my name' I paused 'to Mazur.' He smiled more than I had ever seen before.

'Of course!' He practically shouted, he suddenly had the energy of a five-year-old. 'I'll do it now, finally another Mazur! Apart from my brother of course.'

'Brother?' I asked warily, unknowing of whether I really wanted to know about this mysterious brother of his.

'You'll see him soon.' I sighed but felt my eyes droop and decided not to argue.

'Bedroom?' I asked, suddenly too tired to say anymore.

'Follow me.' I stated and I trailed behind him as he led me up three flights of stairs and through multiple corridors, if not for my guardian senses I would already be lost. He pointed at a door and I practically stumbled inside but attempted not to embarrass myself in front of my own father.

Abe's phone rang and he rushed out the room without another word and left me to sleep. It wasn't long before I felt myself falling asleep. I was lying on my bed, still in my guardian clothing but I wasn't up for unpacking so I let myself drift off into, what I hoped would be, a dreamless sleep.

I was wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

I felt the dream before I saw it. The green haze appeared in front of me and a field of green came to life. Ugh, why Adrian! He already hated me enough but I wasn't surprised that he wanted to talk. After everything I had put him through we needed to talk. That only made the next thing harder, this wasn't Adrian's dream- Lissa.

She formed inches in front of me, she was dressed to impress. Her hair was styled and her dress was the usual, but nonetheless beautiful, emerald that trailed behind her on the floor. I was happy to see Lissa but the scowl on her face said that she felt differently towards me. I never wanted to leave Lissa, it was the last thing I would ever do but after the- incident -I couldn't face her, or Dimitri. I could already see the shame on their faces when I told them the truth. I wouldn't, yet, but I couldn't hold back the truth much longer.

My inner rambling was cut off by a sob, Lissa's. I ran towards her but she put her frail hand in front of her to stop me. 'Why!?' She screamed, I stepped back by her harshness. She had always been a gentle queen but I felt the anger build up in her. I wish the bond was back in times like this. I couldn't differentiate the darkness and anger but either way, I had to calm her.

'I have my reasons.' I said, as levelled as I could.

'There are no 'reasons' that COULD MEAN YOU ABANDON THE QUEEN!' She raised her voice to a level that hurt my ears but I refuse to let her be like this.

'Lissa, I have explaining to do...but not here, not now. Soon, I promise.' She seemed to calm slowly but I knew that she was about to burst again.

'What about Dimitri.' She hissed.

'It was- it was out of selfishness.' I admitted, ashamed. I looked interested at the ground, looking at each little bit of grass in great detail. She laughed, not an amused friendly laugh, but it was sinister. This wasn't the darkness, I knew it. Her eyes were normal, and there were no signs in her body language that she was going to hurt anyone or anything. I had just really, I mean really, pissed her off.

'OUT OF SELFISHNESS! HOW DARE YOU!' She took a deep breath 'Dimitri.'

'It was for him.' I muttered. The next part was worse. Another haze appeared, this one was Dimitri himself.

'H-how did you do that!' He screeched, I was scared. I couldn't face him again.

'I've been practising, obviously, you wouldn't know, being gone and all that.' Lissa muttered angrily.

I ignored her commentary and I couldn't take my eyes off Dimitri. The sight in front of me almost reduced me to tears then and there. I ran up to him but stopped half way realising that the person that had caused this- disaster -was me. A tear ran down my cheek but I quickly wiped it away and inspected his wounds.

His cheeks were tear stains and his eyes were red and sore; it reminded me of when he was strigoi, I shuddered at the thought. His hair stuck up in a way that no one with that length hair would be able to achieve. The thing that stood out most was his bleeding arms. I saw the nail marks on this arms, I had reduced him to this. This wasn't him. I had made my Russian God bleed, self-inflicted but I was the cause and I knew it. By this time I could feel the tears flooding down my cheeks. I didn't dare move knowing I would head straight into his arms. He looked up from the ground and stared at me. I saw the pain behind the guardian mask he poorly put in place.

'Look what you've done, to both of us.' Lissa said and I gasped when I spun my head towards her. Apparently, she had put on a disguise that had now dissipated. She left her true form, it wasn't unlike Dimitri's. My tears were now rivers down my cheeks.

'Let me go.' I choked out. I left them for me yes, but also for them not to suffer the pain I did. I couldn't bare to see them when that happened. Lissa nodded but her look said this was far from over, she was there to taunt me. I knew Lissa wasn't cruel but she was desperate.

I woke up from the dream, or rather nightmare, gasping for air. I had held my breath too long, trying to stop the tears. My father had the worst timing. He burst into the room, making an entrance as usual. His smile turned quickly to a frown as he saw me. My father wasn't like most fathers but he wasn't cruel enough to let me suffer alone. He came up to me and wrapped his arms around me and let me sob into his, not surprising, expensive shirt.

'If you're up to it Viktoria has made dinner.' He smiled and quickly realised what he had said.

'Viktoria?' I was hoping so desperately that it wasn't who I thought it was. I mean there are millions of Viktoria's, right? No.

'Don't panic. I know she may not be the best servant to have here with your- he picked his words carefully and slowly, 'circumstances with' he paused again and decided that all he had to say was 'him.' I gave him a slow nod and dragged myself off the lush king-sized bed he had given to me. 'She's forgiven you, you know. Viktoria.' I looked at him in shock but I was glad. Even through this, it made a small smile appear on my face.

'I'll be down soon.' I rummaged the wardrobe and picked a suitable outfit. A simple t-shirt and jeans. I had no one to impress here. I made my way down the large staircase and into the oversized kitchen/dining area. Viktoria looked up from where she was sitting at the table and ran over to me, squishing me in her vicious hug. I returned it but a lot more delicate. She smiled at me but it faded when she saw me. I hadn't looked in a mirror since the dream but I knew I was a mess.

'What happened. Did Dimka do something!?' She exclaimed. His name made me flinch, especially the Russian nickname that his family- and Tasha -used.

'Don't blame him, it was me. And Vika?' I asked, using her Russian nickname.

'Yes?' She questioned, with a confused expression masking her face.

'If you talk to him, say I will be in touch but for now, I can't face him.' She seemed surprised but nodded in agreement and we both ate in silence. It was a simple dinner just a salad but that's all I needed. I thanked Vika and gave her one last hug before retreating back to my room.

I picked up my small bag I had brought and looked for the equipment I had brought. I knew it was old fashioned but so were vampires, I was going to send a letter. Due to Court having a lack of internet I couldn't email and texting seemed informal, my only choice was to write a letter. I couldn't bring myself to phone or see them in person, it caused me too much pain. I hated how all my reasons were selfish but I wrote the letter fast and sealed the envelope in no time.

I had written it as neat as possible but my messy handwriting was no match to either Lissa's or Dimitri's handwriting. I had addressed it to both of them not having the courage to write a personal letter just yet.

Lissa & Dimitri,

I'm directing this to both of you because - well - I have some explaining to do. I know these seem cryptic and cruel but in all honesty, I'm delaying the truth. None of the rumours are true, I can say that. Some aren't unrealistic but they're nonetheless false. I'm trying to change things, I can't go through what had happened again.

In truth, I left out of selfishness but there are some things that can't be forgotten.

Rose Mazur.

I signed my last name in pain but I knew I had to, it was my name now. Abe was quick in his work. I ran down to my father's office and practically threw the letter at him before sprinting back to my room. I knew he would know what to do with it and give me the privacy of not reading it. It was one of the things that I was glad for.

When I reached my room, I finally let myself cry. Not just tears this time but I let myself break down. It wasn't the time to hold them in. I had to let it out before I broke down in front of someone. I had my moments where I sobbed and cried but never like this. I had found an empty room and smashed everything inside. All that was left was debris from the furniture and a river of tears trailing the blue-carpeted floor.

I sat on the floor letting my emotions flow but was interrupted when Vik walked in.

'Vika!' I screeched when she saw me.

'What have you done to my room.' She whispered. She was definitely in minor shock.

'THIS IS YOURS! BUT IT'S EMPTY. I WOULDN'T DO THIS IF I KNEW IT WAS YOURS I SWEAR!' Accidentally raising my voice too loud. She flinched and I couldn't bare to talk so I pushed past her and ran back to my room vowing that I would never break down again.


	4. Chapter 4

I sat on my bed, letting my mind wander on anything avoiding Dimitri and anything of his family. My mind ended up landing on St Vladimir's, it was one of those feelings that I never associated with the hell they called school but I almost felt homesick. Even before I met, him, St Vladimir's was my home. I bet I could teach there, I would be an awesome instructor. I wouldn't exactly let them do whatever they wanted but I would be like...like he was with me: gentle, kind, loving. NO!

I burst out of my thoughts soon after I realised I was doing it again. Getting attached. I knew sooner or later I would slip up but for now, I decided that keeping up the simple guardian mask was my best option.

I was caught off guard when I saw Vika attempt to sneak into my room, unfortunately, followed by my father thudding in behind her. They strolled in and sat on the end of my bed, looking like patronising parents- well I guess that was exactly what my father was, but Vika really?

'Rose, this is worst than I thought.' My father said breaking the silence that filled the room.

'I think your father was right. What you did to that room was-' she fumbled on her words and my father quickly recovered for her.

'Stupid.' After just that single word, I felt the anger boil in my blood. I knew my father could see it too but Vika was completely oblivious to the situation she was dealing with.

'I don't think it was that-' I cut her off.

'I know I was being stupid but I just had to' I paused 'I had to stop myself from hurting an actual person.' I chose my words carefully, avoiding any use of the words 'break down' or even 'Dimitri'. They both looked into my eyes trying to pry the truth out of me but they both seemed to relax and believe my half-truth statement.

'I know Rose but you can't go...' A long pause came upon the room before Vika finished her sentence 'go on like this.' She pointed her finger and motioned it as if to just say look at me for once. For the first time in a while, I saw the state I was in. My brown hair, once silk smooth, was now a knotted mess. My hands were trembling along with my arms and legs. I could see tear stains encasing my hands from where I had hidden my tears. The sight of myself only brought more tears.

Vika extended her arms to me and brought herself closer before giving me a tight hug. My dad sat awkwardly but smiled as my tears dried up. I looked up at him but was brought back down to my worst thoughts as he said 'I don't think this is the best place for you.' It was hardly loud enough for me to hear, I knew he didn't want to set me off but the thing was- he did.

'WHAT!' I screeched at my now lame excuse of a father. Another painful silence fell. 'You hate me, is that it?' I hissed, Vika flinched but my father's face remained stone cold, emotionless. Who did he think he was, bringing his obviously broken daughter and then decides that he's going to kick her out. I knew only one way this was going to go and I was happy to fight. I readied my fists before my father spoke.

'Rose, you're blowing this way out of proportion. Even when I was not there, I loved you. You know that!' He spat. He paused before he continued 'Look, you've only been here for just over a day and you have already broken down, cried and don't think I haven't seen you ready your fists when I talk to you. Not to mention, you vandalised my home.' His voice rose but he kept calm avoiding the fists that were about to go to his face, hard.

'Just tell me what happened Rose. I know that you're not ready but I didn't realise that when you came here you would be so- broken. I knew you were sad but I thought you would already be running back to Dimitri by now.' He didn't understand anything, did he? It was if he thought I would come to him because of one small fight. I'm Rose Mazur, I only run away when I'm- when I'm desperate. What did he think I changed my name for?!

'I can't.' I stated.

'Rose, whatever happened, I'm here for you.' I smiled for the first time in a while. I'd never heard him be so kind. The anger broke and I hugged him gently. I already knew I was allowed to stay but not without condition, I wasn't completely dumb.

'You can stay but on one condition.'

'What?' I asked nervously.

'It doesn't have to be me but just tell someone what happened. You need to get it off your chest, I know that. Don't block us all out, Rose.' I nodded. It was the last thing I thought he would say but he was right. I couldn't do this alone.

'Dad, can you leave Vika and me.' I asked, he nodded and knew already that she was the person I was going to tell. Vika and I, even through our fight, were family. I didn't know her well enough to be frightened of her reaction but I loved her no less than anyone else.

'Um- where do I start?' I mumbled to myself.

'Just tell me what you're ready to say and I'm ready to listen.' I nodded and started off the story. It wasn't like I thought it would be, it all flooded out: the tears, the joy, the pain. Vika listened intently at my words and I smiled at her patience. She knew when to comfort me, when to laugh and when to listen. I finished it and she stared at me with tears in her eyes.

'I'm so sorry.'

'I am too.' I replied.

'You have to tell him.'

'Who?' I should have known who she meant but I was trying so hard to block him out that I couldn't bare it. We had gone through everything together, including this but- I was selfish, I couldn't.

'Dimitri, you know that already.' Vika sighed and left the room without another word. I knew she expected me to call him but I wasn't ready yet. I sat on my bed for the rest of the night without the slightest bit of sleep and was woken from my haze when Vika ran into my room calling 'breakfast!'

I shook my head and stared at her. She seemed shocked and I knew it was because I probably looked worst than ever. 'I'll leave you to get ready.' She smiled and seemed to be in a rush to get out the room.

'Vika!' I shouted after he. She turned her head from the doorway. 'Don't tell my dad, please.'

'Of course not.' She smiled and left. Relief swept over me.

The list of people I was going to have to tell was getting longer in my head but I knew who needed to first, and he was the last person I wanted to speak to.


	5. Chapter 5

I had the paper out in front of me and I could feel the sweat on my forehead. Why was I so nervous? I knew, I was about to tell the man that I love the reason why I left, and he wasn't going to like it. I held the black fountain pen with a gold trim in my shaking hands. I concentrated on the paper but it kept blurring, every time I focused it would just blur again. I groaned whilst scrunching up the paper and threw it against the wall in frustration. Why couldn't this just be easy!

I clenched my hands hoping the shaking would stop but it didn't. I felt like I was in the early stages of a panic attack. I could my rapid breaths fight for control and my shaking hands becoming unbearable to feel. I ran to the bathroom puking the small breakfast I had eaten earlier. I felt the burning sensation in my mouth and- I liked it. I felt the pain go from my head to my throat, I felt the pain that distracted me from my thoughts. I let out a cruel smile and felt the urge to disappear from the world for a day. That's exactly what I did.

Ignoring the outside world, I leant my back against the heavy wooden door that separated my bedroom and the bathroom that I now sat in. I knew someone would come sooner or later but the longer I had the better I felt. Normally, my thoughts would clog up my brain but I felt calm. I knew this wouldn't last long but it almost felt as if the darkness, it was being taken from me. I knew it wasn't possible, I had no bond mate anymore but I didn't dwell on it. I let myself float in my mind, remembering the dull meditation class I had sat through, but in truth, it was paying off to be useful.

It proved pointless as once the feeling of it being rushed out of me faded, I felt it hit me like a tornado. The anger rose in my chest and I felt the urge to smash the door down. What could have been explained as anger was replaced by the truth as soon as I saw- them. The pale faces standing translucent mixed together as they faded into the image around me. Many seemed to be strangers but I knew my luck wasn't going to last as a single image grew bolder and bolder until the once translucent image became opaque.

'A ghost is never this strong.' I stammered pondering on how the human in front of me could have once been a ghost.

'That is because I am not a ghost but an image.' I didn't reply with one of my many witty comments that I had stored in my head but sat frozen with my fist ready for a fight.

'Image?' I questioned.

'A living being can become an image with the fifth element.'

'Spirit?! You're a spirit user!' Shock flooded through me, we had searched for years and one by one each and every spirit user was found, but the moroi in front of me- she was never found.

'You could say that, yes.' She nodded gently but winced in pain as she brought her head back up. My mind whirled, nothing seemed to make sense. I felt a pounding headache that I got every time I saw the ghost and she faded quickly but not before say 'tell him.' I hated to think that I knew who she was talking about.

Should I? I knew I had no option, however, many times I did it, it would always seem worst than the one before. I had one option, it was time to tell Dimitri.

I stumbled out of the bathroom and was surprised not to see anyone crowding my room and was relieved when I saw the golden rimmed pen on the floor next to the final piece of paper I had.

To Dimitri,

It's time, isn't it. It has only been a few days and I have already felt years gone by but- it's time. This may come as a surprise and you might lash out, that's why I left, I couldn't see you like that...but please just read it, to the end.

I was going to have a child, can you believe that? I hoped it was yours, we know it's possible. Adrian told us that much...but the DNA tests said different, well I think... It's hard to tell. Months before the baby, there was another man. Love was something I had never even correlated with him but then he came and I remembered that what I felt for him was pure hatred. Now, I am ready to kill him- and for that I must leave because I'm not ready to kill and to ask you would be- impossible.

I can never tell you what happened that night but you can join the dots, it may be his. That's it. I never stopped loving you, and no, I will not give his name. I will never say his name. I will never say the true reason for my abrupt departure.

The baby, it's gone. It's my fault, killing was always my strong suit. Let me be, leave me be. You don't need me, you don't need a broken girl.

Didn't you once say, love fades, mine has? I never believed it but give yourself a chance. Take your words and let love fade.

Goodbye, forever.

Rose.

I felt the bluntness of the letter as I wrote it but I was ready to rip it up and never write again but this couldn't go on longer. What I said was true, each day that passed feels like another year. I can't face Dimitri, I don't think I ever will...but I can't stay with my father either. It was time for a new chapter and I knew exactly where I was going.

I flew down the large staircase and into my father's office. I sat in his usual multicoloured- not to mention ugly- clothing. His dark eyebrows creased as he looked up at me questioningly. I handed him the letter and as usual he just nodded but this time, I elaborated.

'I told him.'

'Well done.' My father didn't sound sincere in the least and I knew something was wrong. If Abe Mazur was worried, something big had happened.

'What happened?' I questioned.

'Nothing of importance.' He answered. I could hear the strain in his voice.

'I'm leaving.' I stated. I saw the shock register on his face.

'Leaving?' He questioned, his mouth representing one of anger and disapproval.

'I thought that is what you wanted, wasn't it?' I couldn't help but address my father formally, stripping away the witty comments. It wasn't as if I was scared but the disapproving look let the guilt ride wild. I stared into his eyes letting the guardian mask slowly obscure my face.

'Not so suddenly, no- but I understand. I assume this is the explanation in my hand.' He held up the letter between to finger spinning around slowly, staring at it as if it was a fragile piece of glass.

'Of course, I'd rather leave sooner than later though so could you please deliver the letter to Court and call for transportation. I'm returning to the academy.'


	6. Chapter 6

I left in a limo, only a day after I had asked my father. Only four days since I left Court. Everything had happened too quickly, I'd had too many goodbyes. Lissa, Abe, my friends- Dimitri. Everything was a blur and nothing could clear my mind. I was ruled by fear and worry and whatever happiness I had once endured had faded like a burnt out flame.

The academy, I still didn't fully understand why I chose there to go back to but in most ways, it was my home. I think most of all, it was a part of me and Dimitri. I could be with him without having to face him and see the agony on his face. I'd done it too many times and it started to take its toll on me and I could help but feel me heart rip itself to shreds as the limo passed from road to road, city to city, and finally the academy. Like the rest of my life, time passed quickly and it appeared before me in all its grandeur and I couldn't help but smile a bit, knowing that something of me was left. I still had something in my heart to have a small bit of love for this place.

The limo entered the gates and as soon as I exited the car, I was almost strangled by Alberta. 'I missed you, Rose.' I smiled.

'At least someone did.' She hit me lightly.

'Don't say things like that!' Since I had graduated, Alberta became even more of a mum to me. She wasn't far from retirement but she was still strong, not only physically but she still helped me through my mental struggles with her amazing mental strength.

'I expected Dimitri to be with you, where is he?' She asked. I couldn't help but let a small sob escape from my mouth. 'Rose!' She panicked as I fell into her arms of my, for all use and purposes, mother. I already felt better in her arms but reluctantly pulled myself away when I saw the students start to hurry to their classes. 'Let's go to my office.' She smiled kindly before leading me to her office, all the guardians that had escorted me had departed efficiently.

Her office was closer than I remember and it wasn't long before I sat opposite Alberta, across the desk, explaining my situation. I skipped a lot of details but gave an overview that summed up my departure, the time at my dads and the letters I had sent to court. Alberta nodded knowingly and stood up and dragged me into a hug.

'I will sort out a room for you and I can give you shifts guarding the perimeter and lessons but don't be surprised if Kirova offers you a job as a teacher.'

'Kirova's still here?' I replied, slightly shocked.

'Although she is getting on a bit, Ellen- I mean Kirova, still runs this place.' I laughed at the first name basis Kirova and Alberta were on but nodded and quickly notified her that I would go to the gym. She smirked at me and I knew what she was thinking. 'Just to practise, you know that!' I shouted behind me as I walked out of her office and started to run towards the gym.

I started with laps and then went straight to the punching bag with Dimitri on my mind. I didn't care that the students were in a lesson or that they were staring at me, the Goddess Hathaway. I loved how I'd earned Dimitri's old status as a god, it always put a smile on my face. I had picked a secluded part of the gym to be out of the way but since it was Stan, he had to make a fool out of me.

'Hathaway!' He jeered. 'Belikov not with you?' He asked, knowing the answer. I punched the bag harder creating a whole in it and the whole class took a step back in fear. I smiled smugly and approached Stan. 'Guardian Alto, pleasure to see you again. Feel like a sparring match? Or maybe you're too much of a wimp to get beaten in front of your students.' He pursed his lips and resigned, he could never beat me.

'Guess what kids!' I taunted 'Stan Alto is a wimp!' I felt the darkness again, it was what I had felt at my father's house. Suddenly, I keeled over and felt the bile rise in my throat. I heard an ear-piercing scream and realised that it was coming from me. The familiar ghosts surrounded me but I had no time to waste. 'The wards!' I shouted and Alto, even being a douchebag, knew what was happening.

'Shut them out, Rose. We'll defend the walls, can you get the students back to the dorms?' He asked, all previous arguments forgotten. I nodded as I shut my eyes and forced the walls up.

I addressed all the kids and made a plan to get them into the dorms in case the Strigoi got past the guardians. It seemed impossible but it had happened before. All the kids followed my lead, they were all Freshman and I could see the fear in their eyes. They still had three years until graduation but were all following perfectly. Strigoi seemed to appear but I instantly killed them as they all rushed at me individually. I could see the novices cower but a few were holding their own, distracting the Strigoi until a guardian was available.

They were dispersed quickly but still left us with a few casualties but many were avoided, apparently, I had killed a lot more than I thought. The novices returned to their normal state and looked at me with awe in their eyes. They carried on to the dorms without my assistance when the battle was over. The school was on lockdown but that didn't stop students from strolling around the building, hoping to get a look.

Little did they know just how painful it was to kill.


	7. Chapter 7

Quickly, I managed to get into my room without being brought out for questioning about the attack. I needed to give Dimitri a message or rather, an item. I stared down at the large ring in my hand. I remembered telling him to give me the biggest and fanciest ring he could and that's exactly what he did. 

He proposed just after my twentieth birthday and I was the happiest person alive, I couldn't believe it. Now, it all seemed so fast. My whole life needed to slow down. Once I reached my room, I pulled out an envelope and a piece of paper, along with the golden pen that seemed to be the only one I had kept.

_To Dimitri,_

_This belongs to you. This was the promise of forever and that can't be the case anymore. I will love you forever and I can't doubt that you feel the same but there are things I don't want to tell you. Those things will put me in a different light and even with eternal love, you wouldn't help but hate me._

_You would never look at me again._

_I can't take that._

_I'm selfish and...._

_It's just another reason to hate me._

_I don't doubt that you will find me easily now but I BEG you, don't come find me. I'm safe, when you get the message you will understand._

_I love you._

_Rose Mazur._

I put the ring inside and sealed the envelope before heading to Alberta's office so she could send it. I knew that the attack would become Court gossip and Dimitri would know of my involvement. I could already hear the rumours of what I did around the school. I was now the 'goddess', the one they all revelled and wished to be. If only they knew my past, my present.

I could hear the whispers as people tried to hide that they were, in fact, talking about me. But, I had been here long enough to know when someone was gossiping,  _especially_  if it was you. I blocked them out, almost like I did with ghosts, and went into Alberta's office. She didn't seem to mind that I had come without knocking and took the letter knowing exactly where to send it, even though I hadn't put a name, I had only written the name. Well, the first name- Dimitri. She sent me a pity smile before gesturing me out of the room. Before I left the room she shouted from behind me. 'Don't answer their stupid questions, only the necessary ones. And Rose?' I turned to look at her. 'You love him, I can see it, it's not my business but whatever is going on between you, it will pass.'

I gave her a sad smile and left, knowing that my problems were not ones that were just going to pass but took her first piece of advice and only answered important questions as I passed through the guardian dorm. Mostly it was things like, how many Strigoi did you kill and what's our next step. That was mostly asked in meetings. But, there were also questions like, where's Guardian Belikov and how many molnija marks do you have? I didn't answer them, knowing I didn't need to.

-

I had 77 molnija marks now and eight zveda marks and I hated it. It was what made me reluctant going to the marking ceremony. I tried to get different tattoo artists so no one would know the true total but at the academy, it was always the same guardian. It had been three days since I had sent the letter to Dimitri and he still hadn't turned up but I knew there was a chance he would be here to match me get marked. Only he knew the true total. I didn't mind him knowing, although his count was less, he had many as well. He had less molnija's totalling at 68 but had more zveda's that counted up to fourteen. 

We both had regrets about our killings but each time one of us had to get another we would always be together, we needed to be together. A felt the tears well up in my eyes but refused to let any fall. It had only been a week since I last saw him and I wasn't ready to see him, I never would be, but staring at the clocks was making time slower and slower. 

If it was a friend or something like that, such as Lissa, I could go for a few months as long as I knew they were safe but with Dimitri, we were never safe and...I loved him, being away from the one you love for too long just leads to a hole in your heart. The hole in mine was growing forever bigger and I knew soon there would be nothing left there at all- I would become a robot, like so many other guardians. 

I finally reached the marking hall and was greeted by the dull scenery as always. I was one of ten guardians getting marks but I was the only one getting another zveda, bringing the amount up to nine. I put my hair up and showed off my marks, although some were hidden by my vest. They had to start running onto my back and there were a few on my collar bone, that was where the new one was going to be. I had picked out a vest that covered up most my marks and making them put it on the front hid most although it did say I had no room left on the back of my neck.

After the rest of the guardians got their molnija's, along with two students (which was becoming more common), it was my turn. I walked up to the stage and as I reached the guardian, who did everyone at the academy's tattoos, I pointed to my collar bone and he nodded in understanding. 

He brought down the needle and I flinched at the slight pain that I never got used to when I saw him, along with the rest of my friends, at the back of the hall, with solemn looks on their faces.

This was going to get interesting. 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Dimitri seemed pained when I looked at him and I realised that it wasn't just Dimitri, Lissa and Christian. It was also my parents, Adrian, Sydney- holding their adopted damphir son Declan, Neil, Eddie, Mia, Sonja, Mikhail, Jill and... Adrian's mum!? I was surprised, to say the least, but didn't dare go near them, even if they were all here. I was sure if they had a problem they could solve it themselves.

As soon as the zveda had been marked onto my collar bone I beelined towards the door but not before a familiar hand wrapped around my arm, very familiar.

'Leave me alone.' I hissed.

'No.' Dimitri replied gently. 'We need to talk, whether you want to or not.' He pulled me towards him and I couldn't help but feel the bliss I always got from his aftershave. He pulled up my hand and put the ring I had sent him on my finger. 'This is never leaving your finger again.' It was a command, not an offer, and I nodded hesitantly.

'At least now, I know you read the letters.' I murmured.

'I read all of them over and over again. You couldn't realise how much it pained me that you left and when I got in contact with Abe-' I cut him off there.

'Is that why you're all here?' I shouted at him. I felt the pain he felt but we both put our mask's on and neither of us said a word. As we looked at each other there were no secrets.

I could see the ulterior motive in his eyes; I wasn't the only reason they are here. 'What is it then?' I looked at him expectantly, ready to dash at any moment.

'They may not be here for you but I am. Rose, please, don't go.' He begged as much as a stoic antisocial God could.

'I can't!' I hissed.

'But why!' He had lost his control. Dimitri never lost his control. His voice boomed throughout the hall, drawing eyes from all directions.

I clutched his arm and dragged his tensed body from the room.

'Dimitri-' I started but was immediately cut off.

'What Rose?! I love you and what do you do?! LEAVE! BREAK MY HEART!' He shouted only bringing more eyes from, now curious, students.

I was almost in tears. 'You think I don't love you!' I choked. 'This is what I was afraid of. You!' I hit his chest as hard as I could but he hardly flinched. Instead, he clutched my collar and dragged me into a fierce kiss. I could feel the hatred side by side with love.

He pulled away all too quickly. 'I love you , my fiancé, but I'm not prepared to forgive you.' I felt myself crumble and fall to my knees. Tears stung my eyes and rolled down my cheeks as Dimitri walked away, his duster flying behind him.

Although his face was hidden, I knew he felt what I felt.

I stumbled to stand and ran, with all the speed I could muster, towards the gym. Our gym.

I opened the old doors and revealed the gym that was so full of memories. My mind felt to blurred to care anymore. I retreated to the corner that held one standing punching bag.

It still had my blood on it from where I had hit it over and over again with bloodied, ungloved, fists.

I hit again and again and again, not stopping for anything. Person after person, student after student, friend after friend, came in to stop me. None succeeded, all for one reason: it wasn't him.

The bag stained red and you couldn't see a glimpse of its previous black colour. My hands were in agony but it helped. It was a reminder of pain. I had lived too long hoping for good, when all that was to come was bad.

Life wasn't fair, it wasn't kind. Love doesn't truly exist.

What Dimitri and I have is a lie.

Love is a lie.

-DIMITRI-

I hadn't felt this pain before. This hole, the hole in my heart that could never be filled. Wait, I had felt this before. 'Love fades, mine has.' My agonising words that sent Rose to another state of depression. How many times could I mess up? How many times could I cause her pain?

We were better off apart.

That was the only thing I knew. She had left me, it wasn't me this time. This was on her and I would grant her wishes.

I head back to the hall, tears in my eyes, awaiting the questions that were going to hit me.

I approached the group and they all talked at once but when I lifted my hair from my face, they froze.

Dimitri Belikov, I have been told that my name is one of a gods but now, I was crying.

They all stared at me in shock, unable to register a guardian crying. 'Where's Rose?' Lissa was the first one to speak up. I shook my head but she didn't take it.

'What happened, Dimitri?' I shook my head, I wasn't ready to speak but Lissa stayed persistent and asked me again.

'She's gone.' I choked out, letting more tears roll down my cheeks. I couldn't even find the impulse to wipe them away.

Lissa looked as if she was about to cry to but somehow became stronger than me. 'I know where she is.' I stared at her, unable to hide my shock as my guardian facade melted away.

'She'll be at the only place that reminds her of you.' She smiled sadly at me and I instantly knew what she was talking about, the gym.

'We shouldn't go after her.' It was Adrian to speak up but no matter how much I hated my cousin, he was right. I nodded in agreement. Lissa seemed adamant and no one was ready to argue with the queen so we let her go, followed by multiple other guardians.

I stayed with Christian, allowing myself to distract myself with guarding him, even though I was off duty.

Distracting myself, I forgot about Rose- but I couldn't, I would never forget Rose.


	9. Chapter 9

-ROSE-

The gym became my place of escape. To my disappointment and pain, Dimitri never showed his face. 3 weeks had passed and no one had left apart from Adrian, due to problems with his father. His mother had followed him but that still left the majority.

Much to my annoying, they had told me the news after a week of following me. They were staying. According to Lissa, they had important business at the academy but it was obviously a cover up to check on me.

I was neither surprised nor happy but I let myself ignore them and carry on with my daily routine at the academy. Guarding perimeters and lessons became easy and a good distraction until the inevitable came.

It was Monday and it was lessons again, after a dull and quiet weekend. I headed to Stan- the asshole -Alto's class and joined the group of guardians at the back of the classroom. All seemed normal until my eyes locked into- his.

The tension was thick enough to cut and I blocked out the students 'oohs' and 'aahs' even a few 'fights' being shouted at me. Dimitri blanked them and took a step forwards.

Stan stood awkwardly at the front of the classroom. 'What is he doing here!' I exploded, ready to punch him.

'Guardian Belikov had re-enrolled in teaching at the academy.' He said calmly with a glint of fear in his eyes. I must have been really pissed, Stan's face turned to pure terror as I took a step towards him.

'Roza!' Everyone, including the guardians, turned in shock at Dimitri's sudden outburst. 'Deal with it!' I had never heard such harsh words come out of Dimitri's mouth. I wasn't surprised to see all the students with their mouths hanging open.

I took a dangerous step towards Dimitri but he didn't seem fazed. In fact, he laughed.

'Trying to scare me?' He said, only making this more of a scene.

'Didn't think you were one to lose control in public.' I stated, winking, in an attempt to embarrass him but, again, he didn't seem fazed.

'I didn't think you were one to run.' He stated.

'Isn't that how we met? I ran.' I raised an eyebrow, something I still couldn't do but attempted. Even through his anger, he withheld a smile but instantly reverted to his previous state.

'Maybe I should have known then.' He looked at the floor, his anger turned to agony. I could see it; his body was hunched in defeat and I couldn't help hut feel the pity in my heart.

I shook it off and looked at Stan. For the first time ever, he was kind. He waved me out.

After I left, Dimitri wasn't far behind. I heard Stan as I left class dismissing his. He had said that Dimitri was unnecessary at the moment and couldn't guard in his current state anyway.

I walked as fast as my legs could take me, away from Dimitri. I reached my room quickly and fell on the bed but immediately jolted in fear as I heard a loud knock.

I looked through the peephole and saw Dimitri. There was no point in ignoring him, he knew I was in here. 'What do you want?' I hissed through the door. He seemed to flinch back a bit but quickly recovered and murmured, 'we need to talk. If only for a minute. But please, just let me in.'

His honey voice was enough to send me off the rails and I opened the doors almost involuntarily. He ran inside before I even had time to rethink my actions.

'I'm sick of this!' He blurted, losing his control as he always did with me. 'Of all this! The secrets, the shouting, the arguing!' I resisted the temptation to mutter 'you were the one who's doing it', knowing the importance of the situation.

'Me too.' I mumbled, he nodded and carried on.

'Rose, I want you to tell me. I don't care if you think I'll be angry or upset just tell me. Your letter explained nothing. NOTHING!' He said raising his voice. 'I just can't take this. Whatever happened, I promise to love you.' His promise felt so genuine; I was ready to tell him then and there- but I didn't. I couldn't.

'I can't.' I whispered.

'But, you can!' He argued, begging me.

'I told you enough in the letter. I had a baby, it's dead. It was me.' I looked up at him and saw his eyes fill, with not anger but- pity. 'I don't deserve that.'

'Don't deserve what?' He asked carefully.

'Pity.'

'Why not. You lost a child,' he hesitated, 'our child?' It came out as a question and I felt the breath escape from my lungs, never to return, as I remembered the night.

'You don't understand.'

'Then tell me, Roza!' He begged. Caving me with the use of my Russian nickname.

'I can't see you hurt.' I said, pleading for him to stop. I couldn't take this. One more word and I would cave and I knew it was coming. It was too soon and I wasn't ready. He put a hand on my shoulder and I flinched, the memory still fresh in my head. It hadn't taken me long to get over a man's touch but strangers that came near, they were in for a beating- if I could ever find the strength. I was weak, most of the time I couldn't.

I had never flinched at a friends touch, that was easily acceptable but with Dimitri I felt...scared. I had never felt this, nerve-racking fear that I wasn't sure the origins of. I couldn't tell if it was about what I was going to tell him or the touch with the memories still fresh in my mind. Either way, I had flinched, and Dimitri noticed.

He immediately pulled his hand away but kept up the pleading eyes that I couldn't ignore. 'Ok, I'll tell you but promise, PROMISE, not to tell anyone or- run away from me. If you do, I would die: literally.

He nodded slowly. 'I promise.'


	10. Chapter 10

Still too fast. Everything was still too fast. I couldn't tell him...could I? He promised me though but could I trust him? My mind battled through every emotion and I let Dimitri sit there and watch, watch me turn from a strong-willed guardian to a weak little girl who was unable to fight their own battles.

An hour passed and I still hadn't told him. It came out in muffles that no one could understand, not even me. I had already cried multiple times and given Dimitri bruises on both arms and his right shoulder.

He stayed calm, much to my dismay, throughout the whole thing. He waited patiently for me to tell him but soon knew it was never going to come out of my mouth so instead, he went for a different approach: twenty questions.

'Rose, look at me.' He said as soon as I calmed down, placing his hand under my chin and pulling my face up to meet his eyes.

His eyes already calmed me, it was like hypnotism. No, it was love. No! Can't think like that when you're trying to get over him but then, why was he here? He had to love me, right? My questions were left silent and unanswered but raged on in my brain as Dimitri started his.

'Roza, my precious Roza. I think I know, you indicated enough in the letter. You flinched at my touch.' Then murmuring under his breath 'though that was probably out of hate' thinking I couldn't hear it. He paused slightly after that but continued after taking a deep breath. 'Was it rape?' He blurted out. I flinched at the word and that was the only indication he needed to pull me into a crushing embrace.

'I still love you.' He murmured in my hair as the first cry came out of my chest. I suddenly felt sobered and I cupped his face in my hand. 'Really?' I whispered, more out of shock than curiosity. He nodded and I suddenly felt alive again. I wasn't sure if this was a step towards forgiveness or just another closer to him leaving but either way I brought him into a kiss.

This wasn't desperate, like the ones at the gym, this was loving. I put my heart, my soul, my feelings, all into one precious kiss.

When we both moved away, I smiled at him and he took it as a sign to bring me into another one. I couldn't help but pull away myself as his hands reached the bottom of my shirt.

I pushed him away with all my force and he almost stumbled, something Dimitri never did. 'I'm sorry!' I repeated again and again. 'I'm not ready for that.' Realisation hit his eyes.

'No, I'm sorry, Roza. I should have known after what you just told me...' He was at a loss for words as he scooted as far away from me as possible.

'Dimitri.' I said gently. 'You don't have to do that, we've sat next to each other this whole time, have we not? What I just told you changed nothing just don't...' I didn't need to continue, he understood. Within a second, he was back by my side and pulling me into his lap. He played with my hair, as he always did, that I still refused to cut.

'That's not all, is it Roza.' Dimitri questioned.

'There's more but Dimitri, can we wait for the morning. I don't think I'm ready.' I was just hesitating and he knew that but for me, he would do anything.

'Of course, milaya.' I smiled as he spoke Russian in my ear and quickly fell asleep to the rhythm of his heartbeat.

-

I woke up with a searing pain in my head. I groaned and clutched my head, forgetting Dimitri was there. He immediately woke up.

'Roza! Roza! Are you ok!?' He shouted quietly. I kept my hands on my head but finally opened my eyes and looked straight into his beautiful ones.

I nodded but it was a lie and Dimitri could tell. The agony in my head worsened and I felt the familiar feeling of the bond, or more exactly, the ghosts.

They appeared one by one and, the ones that were able to, looked between Dimitri and I. Dimitri seemed confused but quickly connected the dots and saw the familiar signs.

'Block them out.' He whispered in my ear.

'I can't! This isn't the bond causing this, it's different to stop!' I panicked and watched the ghosts appear, only to disappear again until she appeared.

'You.' I spat, somehow having an uncontrollable anger towards her. She had done nothing but help. Her next words changed my mind about that.

'You can't tell him any more, he'll leave. You have said enough.' She struggled, making it seem as if it was harder than last time.

'Why should I? Why should I even trust you? I don't even know who you are.' I shouted, louder than I had meant to.

Dimitri placed a reassuring shoulder but tensed suddenly. The woman in front of my suddenly seemed shocked but recovered quickly.

'The pair of lovers. Both to die but neither to have a bond... yet, still live. I knew you were important.' She pointed at me. 'But never did I know how important you really were. Together you will make history, more than you have.' She smiled, having an easier time speaking as my wall completely broke.

Dimitri just sat shocked. Unable to speak, move or reassure me, neither was I.

'Just remember, don't tell him...and don't leave, it will only end badly' She faded away, bringing the others with her and leaving me and Dimitri alone. We just looked at each other unable to form words.

'You don't have to tell me but please at some point, I need to know.' I nodded but was still unable to form any response. 'What does this mean for us?' He asked and I finally felt words forming again.

'It means...I love you, you love me but, Dimitri, I'm not ready for anything so for now- friends.' Dimitri nodded painfully but I could tell he understood.

I looked up at him and gave him one last pain filled kiss and asked him to leave. He complied easily and let me wallow in my sorrow, alone.

I sighed. How had my life become so messed up so quickly? However much I hated it, I knew: love.


	11. Chapter 11

Friends. It wasn't going as well as I hoped. The sexual tension between us was becoming unbearable, for each and every person to set eyes on us. Not only that but I was becoming increasingly annoyed as each and every damphir or moroi, student and teachers alike, congratulated us on our 'reunion' as they called it. I was truly and utterly ready to shoot them, even the Moroi- I wasn't much for rules.

Moroi had always been skeptical and unforgiving about our relationship but after being in this long a relationship the rumours and whispers had died down and the Academy had seemed to become the new gossip centre of our new and upcoming relationship as if it hadn't been a thing until now.

It wasn't that I was ungrateful that Dimitri and I were sorting things out but...not like this. The accidental 'holding hands' and 'kisses on the forehead' we're not helping. He passed it off that every friend did it but this was his plan, a Dimitri plan.

There's one thing everyone knows about Dimitri's plans, they never fail. He was slowly coming on to me. He was starting small but I could see the building blocks in place for him to win me back. He knew that I needed time and that was what he was giving me but he wasn't subtle in his attempts to 'woo' me. I could see right through him yet- I almost liked it. It was the best way to forget the past and go onto the future even if I wasn't sure I still could.

I had now been at the academy for five weeks and was finally called to Kirova's office. Although I had seen her when I first arrived, I wasn't planning on doing it again. It reminded me of the reckless self, the 'Dimitri-less' self. I knew now, she would only call me with either an offer for me to teach or praise. I was assuming the former.

As I walked to her office I bumped into Lissa, who was still finding excuses for the Queen's stay. I was glad she stayed but her persistent and adamant nature was starting to give me headaches. She was desperate for me to run back into Dimitri's arms as much as she had pushed me away from his transformation.

The thought sent a shiver down my spine but I was quickly snapped out of it as Lissa threw herself into my arms. She didn't seem to mind the onlooking students, who were going to their next class. They stared curiously as I subtly tried to pry her off me. When she finally brought herself off me, I was surprised to see not tears but a gleaming smile. Not only was she happy but she was ecstatic as she showed off her fangs in her wide smile. 'Rose.' She breathed, panting from her short run towards me. 'I- I'm pregnant!' I couldn't help but smile. Although a baby between someone like me and Dimitri would be scary and dangerous, with Lissa being queen this was a miracle. 

Lissa had just reached the age of 21 and finally felt ready for a family, as did the council. It was my turn to hug her. 'How long have you known!?' I whispered, realising the students were badly attempting to eavesdrop, though none were close enough to hear anything even with vampire hearing abilities. 

'I just took the pregnancy test! POSITIVE!' She squealed, placing her palms over her still flat stomach. 

'Does Christian know?' I asked curiously. Her head fell in shame. 'How could I forget?' She muttered to herself before running off, no doubt to tell Christian. I carried on towards Kirova's office and made it there in true Hathaway style- late. 

'I see some things haven't changed.' Kirova muttered as I stepped inside her bare office that I had seen, what most people would say was, too many times. 'I was with Lissa.' I stated, hoping to excuse myself for being late. Being a guardian, I was taught formalities whether I thought them necessary or not.

'You always were.' Kirova sneered but had a drop of nostalgia in her words. If I didn't know better, I would say she missed me. I laughed in my head at my own joke before returning to reality. 'So, what am I here for Kirova?' I asked, forgetting her title.

'As you may have heard, I am offering you a mentoring role.' I scoffed at the thought of being a mentor but turned to see a harsh and serious look on her face. 'Me!?' I asked, unsure how to take it. I thought by teaching they meant a class. Mentoring was different, mentoring was personal- at least it was with me and Dimitri but, well, that was us.

Throwing away my old memories I turned back to Kirova who was waiting for an answer. I couldn't form an answer that would get me out yet I wasn't sure if I wanted to get out of it. 'You, Hathaway, had so much potential that changed you to become one of the, or the, best guardian out there. You know how novices think, it hasn't been that long. If Belikov could straighten you out, I'm sure you could do it for some of the novices too.' I hated her logic but it was correct. I could see myself doing it so instead of speaking a word, I just nodded my head.

'I will get you a timetable for the student I have picked. Here's their file.' She passed over a thin file, containing all the details I would need to know about the novice.

From what I could see, they were only two years from graduating and were in a similar place as me at that age. Although she had not run away from the academy, she had, in fact, skipped most of her lessons for two years and didn't seem eager to become a guardian.

Her name, Rosa Ashford. Memories flooded back to me. Rosa, that was too similar to Roza for my liking and- Ashford. I felt myself unable to breath for a second but Kirova's cough brought me back. I looked up from the file to see Kirova shooing me away. 'You may go.' She said implying that I had to leave.

I didn't hesitate in leaving and opened the file back up again, reading over every detail.

This was going to be a challenge.


	12. Chapter 12

Everything in my life was slowing down a bit but the next day, I was still looking at the file. I re-read it over and over again and the clock seemed to slow every time I began at the top of the page again. Dimitri and I had met in the cafe and I had showed it to him, he was just as surprised as I was. He offered to come along and help and I agreed without argument, not wanting to do it alone.

I was sat in bed and the file was lying on my lap when someone knocked on the door. I didn't want to get up so I just shouted 'who is it!' It was Dimitri who replied and I told him to come in and that the door was unlocked.

As he came in, I finally looked up from the folder and he looked curiously at me. 'Have you not go ready yet?' He said, raising an eyebrow. I sighed and placed the folder on my bed before sitting over the edge of the bed.

'Should I be ready?' I asked, genuinely curious.

'Of course you wouldn't remember.' He sighed and I crossed my arms in frustration.

'What's that supposed to mean?' I felt that darkness I kept feeling seep in slightly but not enough to lash out. Dimitri and I were still on a slippery slope and were normally quite cautious around each other. We both loved each other, that was no secret, but I still wasn't ready. And, I still wasn't sure I would ever be.

'That means, Roza, that you have a lesson in an hour and I didn't want you to be late so I came here to make sure you were up. I wasn't expecting you to be but...' He cut himself off before he said anything worse but I got the gist of it.

I jumped off my bed lazily and dragged myself towards the bathroom. 'Shouldn't be long!' I called out, giving permission for Dimitri to stay. We decided that the friendship was better to stay intact. The ghost encounter had passed fear through both of us and we followed orders when we needed to. That's what guardians do.

As promised, I wasn't long in the shower and I got into my gym gear in record time. We still had twenty minutes spare to set up and with Dimitri's help we would definitely have time to relax before I had to deal with the onslaught of a new student: especially one like me.

'If she's like me. Do I make her do laps too?' I asked, bringing back old memories. He laughed silently and nodded.

'First- what do you call them?- zen lesson- run.' We smiled at each other at the memories of the academy. Though so much destruction and sadness happened there, I loved every moment of happiness I had there. We were still smiling when the student walked in.

She looked scarily similar to me, having the same skin tone along with the same hair and eye colour. Dimitri seemed taken aback but kept on a firm guardian mask. I folded my arms in attempt to seem strict but every time I said her name both Dimitri and I flinched. She didn't seem to notice or care and I immediately sent her to do laps just to avoid her back chat.

Dimitri and I both stayed a fair distance away but weren't far enough not to hear her complaints. She wasn't like me, she wasn't dedicated to a moroi. I may have been stupid and reckless when I was younger but I loved Lissa with all of my heart, I still do, just under the circumstances we have grew apart. That didn't mean we loved each other any less; I would still protect her with my life, even if it meant another fatal bullet wound.

My thoughts were interrupted by Rosa standing in front of me, her arms crossed and her weight on one side, looking like an exact replica of myself. It terrified me but it didn't stop me from teaching her. We went through the normal procedure and all went well until she began to talk- well, more than she had before.

'Who are you anyway? You never introduced yourself and the teachers would say nothing.' I looked at her wide-eyed and shocked. Dimitri seemed taken back as well, though only I noticed it.

'You really don't know?' I barely got the words out but she seemed unfazed.

'Well, you're no Rose Hathaway are you. Who's he? Dimitri Belikov?' She laughed at her own comment and I stifled a laugh, deciding to go along with it. I glanced at Dimitri, telling him not to tell her anything and he seemed to get the message.

'I may not be but I can sure fight like her.' I stifled another laugh as I talked about myself in third person. Rosa didn't seem to notice. She didn't seem to notice much, unlike most Damphirs. Even when they didn't mean it, we seemed to look at every detail but that was what school taught us and I guess she didn't go to much school.

I stopped the physical and moved on to questions suddenly burning with curiosity. 'Why did you come here?' She froze before quickly recovering her snarky stance, mirroring mine at her age.

'What do you mean?' She added a sneer, in hopes I backed off. I knew these tactics, they were mine. She was playing my own game and I knew exactly what pieces to play. Dimitri observed silently, as he always does, as I forced answers out of her.

'Why did you come here?' I repeated, trying to scrape an answer out of her.

'The teachers told me to.' She answered, putting her hand on her hip after running it through her long hair. It wasn't the truth but I knew I was getting closer to it.

'That's not true. You wouldn't come even if they told you to. This was your own choice- why?' She seemed shocked and didn't make any attempts to cover it up. I took a step towards her. 'If you don't want a miserable life then just make this easy and be open with me. Being open with an instructor leads to amazing things.' I only just saw the double meaning in my words and I saw Dimitri smirk, out of the corner of my eye. Although we weren't together, I wasn't blind to see his failing attempts. They'd been going on for weeks.

'I'll open up if you do. I want to know your name.' Like every other time, she stole the words from my mouth. I didn't want to hide it any longer and I'm pretty sure Dimitri wasn't fine with pretending he was someone else for weeks on end so I told her before it was too late and she didn't trust us.

'You may not believe me but afterwards we'll spar and you'll know it's true.' I smirked and she failed to raise an eyebrow. 'Rose Hathaway.' I whispered. 'Well, now Mazur but most people don't know my by that-' My blabbering was immediately cut off by a high-pitched squeal. I looked around for danger when I realised it was Rosa and I couldn't help but laugh.

'But, But you two are LEGENDS!' She admired at both of us and I found her drive. I laughed in my head.

'You didn't just come here to see if your supposed mentors knew us did you?' She looked at the floor and I laughed and I was surprised that Dimitri laughed too. 'You just made Dimitri Belikov laugh in public. You should be proud.' I patted her back and laughed harder whilst Dimitri just smirked at me.

She looked up in wonder, undoubtedly wondering if I was serious- and I was. Dimitri never laughed in public, no matter how much I loved his laugh and it was great to see someone other than me bring it out of him- that's excluding Tasha, b****.

'We'll spar after lessons. Be prepared. And Rosa, please go to your lessons for once. I'm looking out for you and I'll beat you to a pulp if you don't.' She paled as I suddenly turned serious. I may have missed two years of school but I was protecting her from real threats and even when I did miss classes it was never more than one or two a week. It didn't seem fair that my student would be so untrained so I would try be as strict, and open, with her as possible.

She practically ran out of the gym, leaving me and Dimitri smiling at each other. I waved him over and he came obediently. 'Well, that was new.' I smirked, putting my hand on my hip.

'Yes, that was quite something.' We laughed and left the gym, suddenly forgetting the term 'personal space'. This was going to be better than I expected. My life had slowed down and I was suddenly on a rollercoaster that was only going up. I had survived the fall and I could only hope there wasn't another.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, the POV is completely messed up...sorry?

I watched Rosa throughout all her lessons and I was surprised to see her pay attention. None of the students hid their thoughts on the matter and all went up to her and started speaking to her. She must have been really scared of me. I laughed, silently, to myself as she raised a hand in her last class before training.

It was Stan Alto's class and I was really hoping she wouldn't do a me and ask an obnoxious question: of course, she did. 'Sir.' She began and even he seemed shocked by her formalities.

'Yes, Rosa?' She smirked and I knew he had it coming. He had been teaching techniques of killing strigoi and had just got into the molnija system. No doubt, every student knew what they meant but it was part of the curriculum. Roza had a smug look on her face and I sent a warning glare to Dimitri and he knew what to do if this got out of hand.

'Sir, how many molnijas do you have?' I sighed, knowing that this might end up in a punch-up but watched carefully to see how this was going to turn out.

'I do not think you need to know that.' He replied, his fist clenching as he spoke.

'I bet you have less than my mentors.' She taunted and I sighed. No one but Kirova and Alberta, along with Dimitri and I, knew that we were mentoring Rosa and many didn't even know she was being mentored at all.

'Mentors? You really must be going downhill.' She smiled smugly. Her plan was in action. The gears in her head were turning, she truly was a replica of me.

'I think you should tell the whole class how many you have and see if you really do beat my mentors.' She folded her arms and leaned back in her chair. I knew Stan didn't have as many as us, Dimitri and I had the most of all the guardians- Dimitri having exactly equal with my mother. I was surprised by how many Stan had but it was still nowhere near as many as us.

'Seven molnijas and two zveda's, how many do they have?' I guess the truth was coming out now. I intervened at that moment before she could say it herself, needing to get her out of there.

'Rosa, let's go to training.' Everyone turned around to me shocked and even Stan lost his guardian mask. Silence fell upon the room. 'Dimitri you should come again, your better than me at this.' Dimitri stepped out of his position by the wall and led us out the classroom.

As soon as we left, I breathed out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. 'You shouldn't brag like that, Roza. No one knew yet and although it was going to come out sooner or later, it shouldn't be like that. Lesson number one- run. Lesson number two- molnija's are nothing, I mean nothing, to be proud of.

-

Dimitri brought me into a hug and I felt on the edge of an outburst but held it together for Rosa. I turned towards her again. 'Having this many molnijas used to be my dream and now I wish every night that they would just vanish off my skin. Roza, you may want kills but you don't want the regret.' She looked at the floor shyly and I knew she understood. Maybe zen-life lesson weren't so bad after all.

'I just gave a zen life lesson, Comrade. You proud?' He smiled but said nothing more. I knew he was proud of me, he didn't have to say it, I knew him too well to think that he would reply.

We headed towards the gym and I saw Roza behind Dimitri and I sulking. I slowed down my walk and hung my arm over her shoulder. 'Cheer up, kid. Just don't get cocky, OK?' She smiled at me and nodded, she seemed to cheer up slightly.

Deciding to be kind, I leant in and whispered in her ear, 'I'll go easy on you today.' I winked and walked away to join Dimitri again.

-

The next few weeks passed the same, each lesson with Rosa became tougher with her and Dimitri was coming out his shell: he even laughed every once in a while. We became the school spectacle and even ended up eating with Rosa most lunchtimes. With a normal teacher, yeah that would have been embarrassing, but with us being- well -us, she was envied by all the students and even a few guardians.

I treated Rosa as my child and I knew Dimitri did too. Are mentorship was working well. Dimitri took the tough love route whilst I took the most loving approach and together meant she was having a fierce education. She had caught up with everyone else in her class and had beat most of them with ease. In no time she would be the top of her class.

The thing I was worried about was her academics. She was still way behind where she was supposed to be so one lunch I promised to teach her. Dimitri went by my decision and agreed to teach her maths and Russian whilst I tried to help her in all other subjects. I wasn't great at any of them but if she could get to my level then she could pass and that was good enough for us, well me at least.

I think she was beginning to love us as her parents as well. She was like me, her moroi father didn't exist: well how I used to be. Her mother was a dhampir, not as prestigious as mine but was nonetheless an amazing guardian, but didn't visit her: even less than my mother.

Are similarities were becoming scary but it meant I had high hopes for her in the guardian world. Like me, she had many black marks but I overruled them and so could she. I loved her and I hoped she loved me.


	14. Chapter 14

Spring break sprung up quickly and I was planning to go on vacation to meet with my dad who now had business in Russia. That was, unfortunately, very near Baia. I was happy to see the Belikovs again but I felt horrible that I would go see them without their son right by my side.

It would be hard for them and I didn't want to explain, seeing the circumstance that put me there. I don't think I could face them. I hadn't told Dimitri, how could I go to them. Yeva, no doubt, would have told them by now even though she was nearing her death. I loved her but she did not keep secrets from her family unless it was essential- although, she was happy to keep them from me.

I wasn't looking forward to the plane journey, I had only just got used to not dealing with ghosts. Now, I would have to face the migraine and paranoia that came with travelling. It, almost, made me wish I had Dimitri by my side again.

I was waiting on the plane, shifting uncomfortably in my seat, holding a bottle of water in one hand and pain killers in the others. I had plenty of food stores in my bag and I was bracing myself for an onslaught. Before I could block it but these were different. These ghosts weren't spirit bound they were just death. I had visited death one to many times and I had a stronger connection than any dhampir or moroi should have.

I sat with two empty seats on either side of me. I hated to look out of the window and the isle gave me room to see the collecting ghosts: for now, I would just have to deal with the headaches.

Luckily, I fell asleep almost instantaneously and it gave me time to think over things. Every thought brought me back to a place I would rather forget. I kept on having flashes of Dimitri's furious face then followed by his tears. Rosa flashed in my mind, alongside Mason. They looked so different in comparison to each other and I was surprised they were even related.

The real nightmares were when Dimitri returned. But, it wasn't him. This, it had red eyes and fangs as sharp as razors. A bite that had made me long for him and let me forget that this wasn't him. He had been reborn. Flashes of euphoria buzzed in my mind and I felt the high for the first time in years. Why was this suddenly coming back? Apparently, ghosts weren't the only side affect.

The red eyes faded and another memory replaced. The attack, followed by the rescue. I couldn't help but feel a pit in my stomach. There was an attack earlier this year but they were becoming so common that it had stopped being a big deal. It was just another attack.

Then, the rescue. I felt the tears battle my eyes as I held in my cries. I was still asleep but no doubt would the people around me see this. I felt the agony of his death and then the exhilaration of his survival followed by the empty pit in my stomach. I was going to kill him.

Juliet had it easy, she never had to kill Romeo. My exact thoughts.

I woke up and restrained myself from the blood-curdling scream that was about to escape my mouth. I clamped my hand around my mouth and let out a small whimper. I felt the emotional rollercoaster of my life in a few torturing hours.

My memory lane was more of a dark alleyway. I suddenly noticed the seatbelt sign turn on and I quickly fastened myself in and prepared myself for the landing, anything to distract me was a miracle. Not soon after the journey was over and the overwhelming anxiety of Russia had made me forget the outburst of memories that I had experienced on the plane.

I found my way out of the airport fairly quickly and was greeted by the old man himself, with guardians of course. I ran to him and enveloped him in a hug. Who would have thought that I actually missed him? 'You ready, kiz?' He asked me. I nodded and he led me to the incredibly large shiny limo that was parked only minutes away.

I went in and was surprised to see glasses of champagne already out. 'Trying to get me drunk, old man?' I joked.

'Just here to celebrate your return.' He winked at me and took a swig of champagne, downing it in one.

'I'm pretty sure that's not how you drink champagne.' I laughed and he just smirked at me.

'I was never one for the rules of society. I like to do things my own way.' At times I forgot he was a mobster but now it didn't seem as odd as it used to. If I wasn't smarter I might have even become the air to his mobster legacy.

The limo started down the road and we sat in a comfortable silence as I, alone, enjoyed my champagne. I let my mind drift off and I was glad not to be attacked my murderous alley of memory lane. I smiled and poked my head out of the window, letting my hair run behind me. I laughed at myself for acting like a stereotypical dog but I didn't make any attempts at returning inside.

My father smiled at me as I enjoyed my short-lived freedom. That had always been my one dream, to gain freedom. That was what I had earned on my eighteenth birthday but it had been corrupted by missions to kill the one I loved. Now, freedom actually meant something. And for now, I had it.

This trip wasn't going to be long but I would make the most of it. Even if the Belikovas weren't going to be happy with me. I'm my own person. I'm a Mazur. I don't care what other people think.

I love who I want to and I don't take criticism from others. I've built a thick skin and it wasn't going to be broken anytime soon.


	15. Chapter 15

We arrived at the, incredibly large, Mazur mansions and I was amazed, to say the least. It was expected of the old man to have such a large residence but to let me stay was beyond a dream. I looked at the extravagant windows and the lush curtains draping, shocked by the lengths he had gone to impress.

The moroi were typically a lot richer than the dhampirs but with my inheritance, I was going to have more riches than the royals themselves. I smiled greedily and I saw my father give me a sly smirk and I returned it without hesitation.

I wasn't a fan of how similar we were but with all he had done for me, now was no the time to care. I rushed inside the house and took in the grandeur. It was mouth-gapingly beautiful. My father had good taste, ignoring his horrific clothing choices.

I rushed up one of the two staircases that curved up to the second floor. I looked through the sixteen bedrooms and each one's en-suite, in addition to three more main bathrooms. I felt like an excited child again as I went round squealing that this was mine. Well, my fathers but I could inherit it. The very thought made me bounce with joy and my father just watched my, amused at my gestures.

It didn't take long for me to sprint down the stairs and fling myself into his arms. Even now, at an age where it shouldn't happen, I still acted like a teenager. Mostly because of my major mood swings and a lack of a parent figure. Either way, my father didn't seem to care as I wrapped my arms around him. He chuckled and hugged back before promptly telling me he had business to attend me, leaving me to explore what was left of the mansion.

I head outside first and almost fell when I saw the acres of land running for miles. Across it was everything from flowers to tennis courts and I didn't hesitate at looking at it all. I started to run, finally putting my training to use, and swiftly passed the three large pools and entered the square of tennis courts. I paused for a second and entered one of them. It was perfect. Surprisingly, I loved tennis but didn't get an opportunity to do it often at the academy. I picked up a leftover racket and tested its weight. I found a ball on the edge of the course and started to do some ball and bat tricks. They were all rather simple, in dhampir terms, but I felt proud each time the ball landed perfectly. I stayed for a number of minutes until I was interrupted by one of my father's maids. I didn't pay attention to them until they cleared their throat and I turned to see Vika looking at me with worried eyes.

'Vika!' I yelled, running up to her and pulling her into a log hug. 'We need to stop running into each other like this!' I shouted. She laughed slightly and seemed to perk up a bit but I could see the worry in her eyes. I had seen it in Dimitri's eyes.

'You seem...happy.' She hesitated and I remembered the source of her angst.

'Yeah. I am. Dimitri and I...we're on good terms. Have you talked to him?' I asked, the large smile fading slightly. She nodded eagerly and seemed to cheer up extensively.

'Yeah. He seems a lot happier as well! He didn't tell us why but it's, no doubt, because of you.' She seemed very excited and probably thought that we were already together and I had no energy to argue. Especially when my relationship with Dimitri wasn't really defined at all.

'I'll see you later, Vik. I'm going to have a look around the rest of this enormous place.' I flashed a smile before sprinting off, dropping the racket and ball by the entrance.

The next few minutes were mostly golf courses spread across acres of land. I wasn't sure who used them and I couldn't seem to conjure up the image of Abe playing golf but if it was there, I would love to see him play- mostly just to laugh at him but we'll pretend I didn't say that.

So much of the garden was beautiful and for once in my inpatient life, I truly believed I could watch it all forever. As usual, though, my quick snippet of joy was cut off by a call for me to attend dinner. I giggled at the formalities, acting childish once again, and flung myself towards the dinner hall. I was so close to chanting 'food' on my way but in a sad attempt to create a good impression, I kept silent.

The doors were open ready for my entrance when I arrived and I laughed at the humungous table, surrounded by tens of lonely seat; only one had actually been sat in and that was occupied by my father.

'Is Vika not joining us?' I asked, curiously. He shook his head briskly and noted me that Vika was part of the kitchen service and was making most of the ridiculously large meal. She got her cooking expertise from Olena, no doubt.

When the food arrived, I smiled and dug in ravenously. My father's attempts to keep a straight face failed and he immediately burst into an antagonising laugh. I gave him a quick glare that scared him for only a moment before he continued. 'You know Rosemarie,' he started through his laughter, 'that stare does not work on me.' He smirked and he caught one more of my glares that scared even the Strigoi. He continued to laugh so I just relaxed and returned to shoveling down my food. 'I'm hungry.' I defended, teasingly, as I scraped the last pieces off the plate. He just shook his head knowingly and dismissed me. I nodded thanks for the dinner and head to the overly large doors but before I returned to my room I turned and asked the question that I had been burning in the back of my mind all day. 'Abe?... I want to stay here. For real this time.' I turned around to see him look at me with pitied eyes. He nodded slowly. 'I'll always do as you wish.'


	16. Chapter 16

The next few days were spent doing mostly milling around; a lack of activities were appealing to me and it seemed that my bed had become my best friend. I had time to think, at least, but I couldn't help but feel that that wasn’t any better for me. The guilt, despite having sense, was

beginning to drag me down. I knew I could already see the bottom of the pit- I was about to hit rock bottom.

I had eaten, I had done that much and had kept up appearances. Vik and I talked often and my father and I were on steady terms, as we mostly had been since our unintentional meeting. I had tried a few things, at least. I used the tennis courts once, the golf courses twice (though only the first hole) and the gym on multiple occasions. Despite the lust for my bed, I still liked to make sure I kept up my strength. The strigoi were far from extinct.

‘Rose! Do you want a game of tennis!’ The Russian girl called, no doubt from the floor below, beckoning me to play- I was never one to turn down spending time with someone. I had had enough time alone recently and I knew, maybe, that getting out of bed and talking with Vik could be the most humane thing I had done in a while. ‘Coming!’ I called out and rushed to get something more appropriate on (my pyjamas weren’t the most suitable attire for a game of tennis). I rushed down the stairs and met Viktoria on the main stairwell.

‘Hey!’ I called out, running up at her from behind. Sadly, with a dhampir's reflexes, she was quick to see me coming and quickly dodged my attack. I laughed as I tripped and only just caught myself from falling down the tall flight of stairs and gave her an impressed look. ‘It seems like I’m not the only one training.’ I smiled at her and she smiled back, nodding gently.

‘I like to think that I can take on one of those _things_ if they were to appear.’ She spat, refusing to even say their names but it didn’t wipe the smile off her face- the whole statement coming off a little creepy without a diminished smile to accompany it.

‘Tennis then?’ I asked, quickly veering from the subject. She smiled and clapped her hands together excitedly. ‘Yup! It’s my day off from cooking so I thought it would be fun.’ The use of slang mixed in with her Russian accent came as an interesting combination but I simply smiled and began to walk ahead of her, leading her to the tennis courts- despite her most likely knowing where they were more than me (they were a decent way away).

When we arrived, we had done enough walking for it to be a warm up so we ran onto the pitch excitedly and began to ready ourselves for a, what was clearly going to be competitive, game. I smirked at her smugly and raised my tennis racket, hitting the ball with speed and precision but it wasn’t enough to deter her- she was good, really good. The ball flew right back at me, close to my face, and I had to jump out of the way to avoid it- I had lost the point. I gaped at her and she simply returned my previous expression and told us we had to play on. I nodded, still in awe, and raised my racket once again.

Much to my shame, I lost, badly. She had missed the ball twice, I, a few hundred. She wasn’t one to boast though, she simply sent me a smug smile and continued on back to the house with me on her tail. ‘How?’ I asked again, my eyes wide and my mouth hanging slightly open. She shrugged and opened the back door to the house. She hadn’t said a word and I was starting to worry.

‘Vik?’ I asked. She hummed in acknowledgment, nothing more. ‘Is something wrong?’ She shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Something is definitely wrong. Tell me.’ I demanded, seeming like a needy child, not my best state.

‘It doesn’t matter, Rose.’ She batted my statement off like a fly but I was persistent. I didn’t want to be kept in the dark.

‘Tell me.’

‘No.’

‘Tell me!’

‘No!’

‘Tell me!’

‘Fine.’ She breathed, annoyance lacing her once happy features. ‘It’s not much. I’m just a bit worried about you and the family...seeing each other again...without Dimitri and, well, it only really just hit me, but I’m worried about what is going to happen.’ I nodded, I wasn’t surprised, not in the least. Vik didn’t look as if she thought I would care much, either.

‘Don’t worry about it, Vik. I’m there to apologise and tell them what happen, as much as I have told anyone else, at least. Maybe...some more...I think I need to talk to Olena about something. But, it is her choice whether to speak to me or not. I don’t mind either way.’ Viktoria nodded grimly.

‘I think they will welcome you with open arms. I just...I feel bad for Dimka, you know?’ She looked at me, sadness filling her features. I placed a reassuring arm on her shoulder.

‘It’ll be fine. I told him everything he needed to know before I left.’ I lied. Yes, the first time. Now, not so much. I only had a day or two before he knew something was up. I was in for it, I knew that.

‘No, you didn’t.’ Vik could see through my lies immediately. ‘You need to tell him you're staying.’

‘I don’t think I can.’ I admitted, my stomach beginning to churn.

‘Yes, you can. He deserves to know, Rose. You were on good terms again. To be honest, I’m not quite sure why you’re staying with your father again and not staying back at the academy. But, that is not for me to ask.’ I nodded, it wasn’t. We were close...but not that close. I hadn’t told a soul and Viktoria surely wouldn’t be the first one I told. Yet, I had already told her so much, would it be bad not to just finish off my story? Shouldn't I just give her the last piece of the puzzle?

I sighed and gave her a quick goodbye before running back to my room and collapsing onto my bed. It felt like a whole day had passed despite it hardly being past noon and soon I was lulled to sleep by my own shaky breaths. I was panicking, the guilt overriding, but my exhaustion overtook me. My emotions didn’t matter anymore, I just need sleep. A lot of it.


	17. Chapter 17

I got a text from Dimitri the next week, a short one. A simple statement. ‘Where are you?’ I choked. I was eating at the time. I felt like I was going to be sick. I didn’t think he would know so quickly. Well, that was my blindness. Of course, he would. I was supposed to be back yesterday.

My answer was just as short. ‘Still with Abe.’ That would stop the questions for a while, right? Wrong. The next day he asked me again...and the day after that until another week had passed and the realisation had set in.

‘You’re not coming back, are you?’ I looked down, my measly text small in comparison to the repeated messages he had sent. I swallowed, the water thick in my throat. I think I was going to be sick.

I answered that time. ‘Not for a while.’ I pressed send with a shaky hand, Abe’s glanced feeling heavy on my skin. Don’t look at me, I thought. I was a mess. Attention only emphasised that. I drew away, my chair sliding backwards easily on the porcelain floor. ‘Don’t wait up for me, Abe. I’m going to talk to some people.’ He knew who I meant, there was no need for questions so he let me go with no fuss, continuing to eat the food on the table in silence.

-

‘Rosa! Training’s over!’ Dimitri barked from the watching area to the side of the gym. Rosa glanced at him, sweat lacing her forehead but any other signs of fatigue invisible to the eye- even Dimitri, who could barely notice her chest rising and falling just slightly bigger than before.

Rosa nodded defeatedly. Training had become work more than fun ever since Rose had left. Not that she didn’t like Dimitri, it wasn’t that at all. It was the mood that hung over them like a lingering smell.

Dimitri missed Rose. It had never been clearer. His eyes got lost to the sky and his muscles seemed tense at any sign of close proximity to another human- as if he expected it to be Rose but knew it wasn’t. Rosa, alongside him, missed her. Rosa was arrogant and strong but that hadn’t stopped her from becoming even the slightest bit reliant of Rose. Dimitri too. But, Dimitri had stayed. Rose...had not.

They both knew she wasn’t coming back, not at least, without them dragging her back. Maybe the kicking and screaming would be silent. Maybe she would come back with no fuss. Neither held out hope for the idea. Rose was loud in her thoughts and violent in her actions. If she left, she would only come back if it was _her_ who decided to come back. They would have to be clever. Like a cat, they would have to trick her into believing that it was her who decided to return.

Neither had any idea how.

‘How close are you to finding her?’ Rosa asked, drawing her tired feet towards Dimitri and collapsing beside him on the creaky bench, her feet sprawled out in front of her.

‘Not close at all. It’s like she’s disappeared. Any contacts I had that were close to Abe are reporting that he had changed location in secret.’ Rose was being careful, too careful. Dimitri would find her, it was just a matter of time: Rosa knew that, Dimitri knew that...Rose knew that.

‘We’ll find her.’ Rosa reassured, looking over Dimitri’s shoulder to see a single message. Not for a while. She scoffed but inside Rosa wanted to hurl. It was so blunt, so rude, so disregarding of both of their feelings. Rose had changed...or she hadn’t. At least, she had masked herself. She was pretending to be something she wasn’t.

‘I know.’ Dimitri sighed and continued to scroll through his contacts.

-

I knocked on the door, my hand shaky. It wasn’t long before the door creaked open and Olena Belikova stood in my presence. At first, I almost reeled in shock. Even after so many years, she looked the same- that warm smile still present on her face.

‘Rose! Come in! Come in! I heard from Vika that you were nearby but I didn’t know you would come visit! Apparently, Dimitri didn’t join you, it’s a shame really but I’m still glad you're here. Come on! Come in.’ She rambled, the joyous smile ever present on her face. I couldn’t help but smile back, it was infection really and even with the burden of guilt on my shoulders- Olena seemed to help just that little bit more than anyone else had so far.

I followed her into the house. It was nice, much nicer than the last. Although, it did lack familiarity and the usual domesticity of their old home- and Dimitri’s old room. That was one thing I would always miss from that house. It was just so...him.

‘Hi.’ I smiled more weakly every footstep Olena took away from me but it remained in place- even if it was rather fake. I got mumbled replies, some more joyous than others. It seemed the family was busy; it was clear that few of the boxes had been unpacked and the house seemed to be in its own little world of chaos. So, with a small wave to the rest of the family, I followed Olena into the kitchen where she handed me a mug of hot chocolate. ‘Just as Dimitri likes to make it.’ She whispered, another smile playing on her lips- the atmosphere of warmth suffocating and freeing all at once. Unfamiliar...in a good way. ‘Anything you came to say, Rose? Or, was this just a visit.’ Olena seemed so gleeful but with just a few words, my sombre mood had returned. I didn’t want to bring this up so soon but it seemed that it was inevitable. I had to tell her before it was too late, before I self-destructed. I had kept it secret too long.

I nodded. ‘I have something to tell you. I want your help, or advice, I’m not quite sure yet. I...something happened to me...and I want to talk to you about who do it.’

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, one update and I'm discontinuing this again. Sorry. I just don't feel good about this story anymore. Got some feedback on it that I wholly agreed with and have decided that I would much rather edit this and give it another try with the same plot than I would to continue it. Sorry for those people that were going to read the newer updates...


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